being a woman is a gift

school

Alot has happened this week concerning the course I'm studying online and I've been forced to face a huge change I didn't see coming.

It all started after I returned from my trip and got back to studying the section I had left off with. I just needed to do some reviewing and then check the forums for any tips or suggestions for the section and test, but when I did that I discovered the website transferred me to another site. You can imagine my surprise, so I called the 1-866 number and made another discovery .. the line was disconnected. Suddenly I'm scrambling .. wondering what could be happening. I contacted the website my school site transferred me too, and got no response. I did some googling to see if anything came up, and I even called my lawyer for some advice. Between brain storming with J and some friends, I had quite a mind boggling day yesterday. It seems the school has been shut down due to the economy as well as a death in the faculty (one of the co-founders I believe), and so all the students are left not knowing what to do with the money they'd invested in this certificate. The school is completely unreachable .. it's like they fell off the face of the earth and because I had placed all my eggs into this basket, I'm left scrambling to figure out now what I can do with what I've completed and what avenues I should take to keep myself headed in the same direction I so wanted for my career.



I felt almost every emotion yesterday. Confusion, anger, helplessness, more confusion, and then finally some light. J and I started by exploring what some of my options could be, and then I further discussed some things with a friend here that's going into the medical field as well. She has some insight for me, and suggested I challenge a few tests that are required by the hospital for anyone wanting to be in their employment, and once that's done I could apply like crazy for whatever admin positions came available. It still gets me into the area in which I wanted to work .. maybe not completely narrowed down to transcription, but I can work on that while working. And then my goal date to be employable is still not out of reach, just shifted a little. Of course I still plan on exploring what my options are as far as finishing this course and how I can go about doing so with another school, but for now I do see some hope on the horizon.



I've been told that everything happens for a reason, and at this time I'm clueless as to what the reason for this drastic change is, but maybe I'll find a once in a lifetime job, or run into someone I wouldn't have the opportunity of crossing paths with, that will get me where I wanted to be. I'm trying to stay positive!

I like myself ...

I found this poem on a facebook friends page and I thought it rang so true for me too. It wasn't that long ago that I didn't like myself all that much, but as I've changed and discovered who I truly am, I can now say I really do like who I am. That's not to say I don't do things I'm always happy with or make/say things I wish I hadn't .. but those are always chances to change and improve. So without further adieu ...

I like myself!
I’m glad I’m me.

There’s no one else
I’d rather be.

I like my eyes, my ears, my nose.
I like my fingers and my toes.

I like me wild.
I like me tame.
I like me different
and the same.

I like me fast. I like me slow.
I like me everywhere I go.

I like me on the inside too,
for all I think and say and do.

Inside, outside, upside down,
from head to toe and all around.
I like it all! It all is me!
And me is all I want to be.

And I don’t care in any way
what someone else may think or say.

I may be called a silly nut
or crazy cuckoo bird – so what?
I’m having too much fun, you see,
for anything to bother me!

Even when I look a mess,
I still don’t like me any less,
‘cause nothing in this world, you know,
can change what’s deep inside, and so…

No matter if they stop and stare,
no person
ever
anywhere
can make me feel that what they see
is all there really is to me.

I’d still like me with fleas or warts,
or with a silly snout that snorts.

Or knobby knees or hippo hips
or purple polka-dotted lips,

Or beaver breath or stinky toes
or horns protruding from my nose,

Or – yikes! – with spikes all down my spine,
or hair that’s like a porcupine.

I still would be the same, you see…

I like myself because I’m ME!

ear candy

I can't take full credit for 'stumbling' upon these next few songs .. but I can't help but share them. I've been having a day full of really good tunes today, mostly renditions or remakes just for Hope for Haiti.

Justin Timberlake .. Hallelujah
Shakira .. I'll Stand by You
Jay-Z, Rihanna, Bono, The Edge Stranded .. Haiti Mon Amour

and here's a couple more ..
Jared Evans .. Frozen
John Legend .. This Time (this one made my morning perfect)

back on track

It's Monday and that means it's nose to the grindstone again for us. Routine is good and I thrive on it, but it sure was nice to have a week away and then the weekend to recoup and veg. This morning I've done some errands, grocery shopping and a little studying which I'll continue doing after lunch. I'm nearly ready for another test, but need to review and refresh so my brain holds on to the information. Other then that, laundry is caught up, floors swept and swiffered (this morning) and I should tackle the bathroom and vacuuming yet. Right now Meesha is shedding uncontrollably. He never was much to shed big clumps, just the odd hair here and there and because he's black, it really only shows up on the bathroom sink .. but lately, oy! And you know what hair and dust bunnies do on hardwood? I'm so thankful for my swiffer vac!

And that's about all that's new from my corner of the world.

Happy Birthday Mom!

My Mom's birthday is today, but because I wouldn't be there to celebrate on her special day, us girls had an early celebration with her on Friday. We took the party to her in the shape of a tea party, with roses, goodies and very yummy tea. We landed up having company throughout the tea party (visitors stopping by to see Mom) but I think we surprised her just as we had intended. And it was so perfect because Mom always enjoys having tea with her girlies. :) Happy 76th Birthday Mom .. I love you!!

feeling hot :)

My niece, Ricki, has been dying to play with mine and Kathy's hair since we arrived, so last night she got her chance. She has a really good hair straightener (obviously because mine doesn't do this kind of job) and prettied us up. To bad it was just before bed, but I did feel gorgeous and love the look so much I think I need to do it more often.

Today is the last full day of my time up here in the frigid north. It's a packed day full of lots of little events, so we're definitely making it well worth it. Then tomorrow I fly back home, to be with my little girlies who I miss so terribly much.

I think each moment up here has been spent well and I've loved being able to not only just spend time with my parents, but to spoil and pamper them as well. It's been a good time and memorable!

life

Tuesday was a bitter sweet day .. well honestly this week has been bitter sweet .. but that day even moreso. It all started at 8am with a family meeting with the hospital Discharge Worker, the Long Term Intake Worker and my Mom's family doctor. We discussed how my Mom has bounced back from this last stroke, how much care is needed, and what our options are .. as well as what's available here. At this point the only option is the carehome where she will get care around the clock and the reason this is needed is because she's still so very confused about some things and also still walking with a walker, and if we try to go with any other care, she'll be taken off the list for the carehome and that just causes problems when looking down the road abit.
So after the meeting and getting all the details from each of the three professionals, we went and got Mom dressed to come out of the hospital for the day. We took her to her home, where the eight of us gathered and looked over the contents. Since we know Mom won't be going home, and the place will be sold, Mom's wishes were that we all come and she could tell each of us what she'd like for us to have as well as we could also try dispersing the bigger items as well as the more sentimental possessions. It was a big day for Mom but we managed to have lunch at the nearby restaurant (photo), and then work through everything else at home. My youngest sister and I stayed out there overnight, going through pictures and reminiscing. It felt just like when we were teenagers and how much fun we used to have when our parents would go away overnight and we'd have the house to ourself. We cried, we laughed, and we ended the evening with a movie that we didn't manage to get through before getting sleepy. And then yesterday morning we started the day off with breakfast at the Inn and then going through more things, walking down memory lane, adding in more tears, etc. It was a very emotional day, but still so good.

Its a different kind of grieving process .. one that happens before our parents are even passed .. but still so hard.

moments

There are so many kinds of moments. Moments spent with loved ones. Moments spent in deep thought. Moments laughing. Moments crying. Moments we have a light bulb go off. Moments in which we say 'it's worth it'. Moments we say 'screw it'. Moments spent in a daze or daydream. These are the moments I've caught myself having the past couple days, and it's bitter sweet, but also the times I expected to experience while here and also ones I want to remember for a long long time.

Today we went up to the hospital to have dinner with my parents. I say 'have dinner' but really we were just there while they had their dinner. My dad is pretty much in need of being fed, although he's capable of still feeding himself but it takes forever because he forgets what he's doing and his dinner goes cold long before it's consumed. My Mom's mobility is getting better, and she's able to use a knife in her left hand to assist in cutting or shifting food onto her fork. She's slow too, but steady and is proving to have an appetite, tho there are things the hospital serves that she's not completely keen on, but she still tries to get some of it down.

My sister, Kathy, brought a little mp3 player that we filled with some of her favourite christian music, so she could fall asleep or rest to the sounds of that instead of the three other ladies she shares her room with. She was so thrilled with it, and very pleased it was simple to work and she could rest to some soothing music. We also brought artwork our children had made especially for Grandma, and hung it up on the bulletin board she has at the head of her bed. She loves seeing anything homemade, especially made by her loved ones, and I could see how her brightened face and smile reflected her feelings.

My dad has been in pretty good spirits the past few days compared to what I've heard he could be like. Of course he doesn't know any of us, even though he talks about a couple of the boys by name, and he makes animal noises, sees things that aren't there, brings up odd things right out of the blue, has no clue what we're talking about, etc .. but still we seem to communicate with him, laugh, whistle and sing and those are the memories I get to take home with me. I'm not naive to realize that he'll have a bad day, and he's still dying of Alzheimers which is more then obvious .. but he shows every now and the, that he is the same Dad I always knew and love.

The nurses are amazing! They bend over backwards to do whatever they are capable of doing for my parents, and already they are starting to recognize my brothers, niece, sisters and my faces (as newcomers to town) and although I think as a nurse they probably have to harden themselves to the brutality of their work .. they still have hearts bigger then I ever quite realized. They truly are the unsung heroes!

I think I better go try getting some sleep now. I've had a difficult time getting much sleep since being here .. even the hour time change has me a little messed up, because it has me up that much earlier. I'm not sure how I'd be able to handle a say .. 15 hour one.

(<3 you J)

checking in

I just got back from a pretty full day of spending time with family, family and more family. It's been great and spending a good chunk of the afternoon spending time back and forth between my parents hospital rooms was bitter sweet but I wouldn't have it any other way. They literally are across the hall and one room down from eachother, so it's easy to go between the two between their rest/nap times. Of course Dad doesn't know me, but he's been in great spirits and holding conversations .. mostly ones that aren't understandable or ones that don't make a lick of sense, but we go with it and laugh and it's all good.
So now here I sit in the company of my oldest brother, youngest sister, oldest sister and her hubby, having a good catch up and enjoying the evening. :)
Maybe tonight I'll get more then just five hours of sleep. :P

launch off

Today is the day I'm heading north to see my parents and family. I'm so excited, but a part of me is a little apprehensive about leaving my sweet girlies behind. I haven't been apart from them for more then two nights in all the 8 and 10 years they've been on this earth. I know .. probably not something alot of mothers can say, but I've never really wanted to be away from them longer then that.
BUT I get to see my younger sister, get to hang out with my oldest sister and see all five of my amazing brothers!!
So if I'm not able to update while I'm away .. see you back here in a weeks time. Until then, my lovelies .. have a great week!!

Upon looking at some recent photos posted on a image blog I frequent, I've suddenly realized that I actually want to see snow! Maybe not in the quantities in which I'm obviously going to see in just a few short days, but I wouldn't mind it so much if we got a little bit of that lazy soft big snowy flake kind, that melts by the end of the day. I just really enjoy the feeling I get all snuggled up inside, watching the flakes float to the ground outside, covering the world with it's white blanket even just for a short time.
I don't enjoy walking in it, driving in it, or having to be out in the cold much, so should it decide to snow again this winter, you all will have to remind me that I really did want to see another glimpse of it when I start complaining. I think it's just the peacefulness it brings that enamours me. The world does get alot quieter when there's snow icing the tree branches.

So, one more sleep until I head north to spend a great deal of time with my parents and family. I think I've mentioned already that this is not a pleasure trip in the normal sense of the word. It is, however, a trip that I felt I needed to take when the opportunity arose. With both my parents in the hospital, I feel that life can be too short and I'd like to be able to see them, love on them and be of whatever support I can be. We'll be packing up their home, sorting/organizing/purging and I wanted to be there to help for that. My younger sister (from Ontario) and I fly up from Vancouver together, to see the five siblings that already live in FSJ as well as my oldest brother from Ontario who arrived on Monday already. Other then our one sister in Washington .. we'll all be 'home' for 7 days!! As you can imagine, it's practically impossible to get nine siblings together very often, and it's been 5 years since our last reunion!!
But as always, leaving on any sort of trip gives me mixed feelings. I have to leave my girlies behind, and I've never been apart for them longer then two days, let alone seven. But I'm leaving them in the best hands possible .. my dear friend is taking them. Thank goodness for such amazing friends!
So on that note, have a great day! I need to pack pack pack!

wordless wednesday

I took this photo in with all the other photos of the birthday party this past Saturday. The girls did an amazing job decorating the hall, and this was one of the fancy feather displays in a corner on a shelf. I love how it turned out, with only the lighting from the room casting upon it. It seemed nearly every other photo I tried taking sans a flash just didn't work well at all, and that's why I really love this one!

photo gig

I played photographer last Saturday night for my friends sisters 40th birthday party bash. She went all out on the party, decor, food and dance and not only was it fun but I hope I also was able to give her some photos she can remember it by. I took MANY, and here are just a few that I can share with you.
The girls all looked stunning, from hair and makeup right down to their black ensemble, and the birthday girl in hot pink. And I think even tho most of them were petrified of the camera, they all did such a great job showing off their most gorgeous smiles. :)

hello gorgeous!

I've had a very good reason for not being around the last few days to keep up with my blog.
My computer suddenly crashed, leaving me with nothing but a very fried motherboard. :( I was happy to find out that my hard drive is fine and my pictures and all the music I've collected over the past year and a bit are salvageable when I'm ready to retrieve them. But what's a girl to do without a computer, especially if the computer is very much needed in her education not to mention, her addiction to the internet is much to great to go for extended periods of time without it. Having someone in my life that knows the importance and is generous enough to help me out of my situation
So meet my cute new little HP Compaq notebook! I can hook up my monitor, keyboard and mouse to it so it's virtually used as just a hard drive. The huge bonus is that I can of course take it with me too, which until now I never had a need for, but I'm sure I can easily get used to the convenience! And if I'm going to be taking it anywhere with me, I also need a tiny little case, and that's what is behind it in this photo. Had there been a pink one to pick from, I would have, but the black with little swirly curls works for me too.

I was just thinking not long ago about how very lucky I am, but never did I imagine I would be able to count one more lucky star to my collection. I'm so excited to have this cute, fast machine in my possession. I love it!

And I get to take it with me this coming week when I make a solo trip up to FSJ to visit with my parents and family. It's not a pleasure trip in the least, but it will be so good to wrap my arms around both my Mom and Dad (he won't know who I am) and give them all my love. I can stay in contact with the online world, my boyfriend, and you all! :)

meme .. goodbye 2009

1. What did you do in 2009 that you have never done before?
checked the oil in my car
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for 2010?
I didn't have any resolutions for last year, and didn't make any for this year, but I do plan on some goals and self improvement which I've discussed already in a previous post
3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009? nope .. I guess we're passing the baby making stage
4. Did anyone close to you die in 2009? no, thank god!
5. What countries did you visit this year? sadly, none .. just good old CANADA!
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? willpower, understanding and patience .. umm, and money wouldn't hurt either!
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 28 .. the day my Dad was admitted to the hospital forever.
8. What was your biggest struggle in 2009? learning to live and cope as an individual, caring for myself and my girls
9. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2009? no .. nothing above the common cold
10. What was the best thing you bought this year? tough one because I haven't been able to be frivolous with money, so the best thing wouldn't be something *I* bought, but rather, was a gift. My new boots! :)
11. Whose behavior merited celebration? I have to make this a three way tie. I think, hands down, and with all the disruptions and upheaval this past year brought, the girls managed to cope fine, and for that I have to be proud of their behaviour. I'm also terribly proud of the man that has brought me happiness, a foundation, security and unconditional love.
12. Whose behavior disappointed you? do I even need to mention a name here? Those that know me will know who.
13. Where did most of your money go? bills, food, clothing, gifts and my guilty pleasure .. dvd rentals
14. What did you get really really excited about this year? a few things .. involving visits/trips
15. What song will always remind you of 2009? there's to many to list
16. Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, much nicer or richer? MUCH happier!
17. What do you wish you had done more of? photography
18. What do you wish you had done less of? thinking about, and actually doing things!
19. Did you fall in love in 2009? over and over again
20. What was your favorite TV Program in 2009? Dexter! <3
21. What was the best book you read this year? Twilight .. hehe
22. What was your greatest musical discovery this past year? r&b .. love the genre ALOT!
23. What did you want and get? in 2009? I can't say!
24. What was the best movie you saw this year? the Proposal
25. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn? I turned 36, and I threw myself a birthday party! It was very memorable!
26. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying? hmmm .. HUMPday! ;)
27. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year? haha .. I don't have a statement. I like to look nice, but comfort plays a big part too!
28. What kept you sane this year? my abilities to talk up a storm
29. What celebrity did you fancy the most? Josh Duhamel
30. Who did you miss this past year? everyone that's not in my daily life
31. Who were the best new people you met this year? at first, I couldn't think of anyone significant that I had met this year .. but I do know I've met people, but they aren't in my circle of friends .. so I best skip this question.
32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year: I can achieve anything I put my mind to.
That may sound simple or even cheezy .. but it really is true!

humpday

I don't have any new photos to share, so I can't make it wordless wednesday this week .. but rather, let me tell you what I did last night.
I watched New Moon .. the sequel movie to Twilight (in case you've been living under a vampireless rock and didn't know). I've read the four book series and fell madly in love with the whole love story and was so interested in the way Stephanie Meyer portrayed vampires. It intrigues me how different vampires can be, depending on the author or tv show creator. But Stephanie makes them look like sweet, sparkling, good 'people' that just want to fit into society and make a life like the rest of us. And although I think Bella picked the wrong guy .. it really hits the romantic bone in me to read about how truly, madly and deeply Edward is in love with her. I think every girl dreams that her prince feels those life long, deep kind of emotions for her .. or is it just my sentimental side showing when I say that?
I'm surprised it didn't lead me to dreaming about that or anything that I was able to remember upon waking.

Happy HUMPday! :)

mmm

I stumbled upon this photo when I was reading blogs this morning. It's not because it's icecream that I HAD to post this, but the name of the icecream and flavours. The inventor is a genius, and I bet this brand is a huge hit in NZ .. the only place you can buy it. Mmm, I'd love to taste a little of the chocolate climax. ;)

Take a close look at the warning label .. haha

it's on!

Remember I mentioned not having made any New Years resolutions? I still haven't and won't .. but it doesn't mean I can't do a little changing in my daily doings and since change is mostly a good thing .. I've decided it's time to eat healthy again. I always feel so blah after going on such a high carb, high sugar intake stretch that I just feel awful! And when there's healthy eating habit reinforced again, not only do I feel better, but the pounds start to drop too, and that's definitely a nice side effect and something that will never hurt me to have happen. But honestly, that's not the reason for changing the way I eat this time around. This time I just want to feel good and like that I'm taking care of myself.