seeds

Hailey planted some seeds this afternoon .. of the wild variety, ones that will fill in this flower bed nicely so it's not so bare and ugly. I know we're a little late getting seeds started, but now we can just wait and see what decides to grow.

While in the storage digging out the pots (they were buried deep), I decided to rebag and accumulate all the bottles and cans that need returning to the bottle depot. A little organizing never hurt anyone, even if I'm not one for outdoorsy type stuff. :P And I should say that I did face many spiders, webs and icky stuff. Ack!

we are beautiful

I came across this post today, and it really touched me because I'm a culprit to this very thing.  I'm so hard on myself.  I critique myself worse then anyone else could of me.

I wish I could be thinner, I wish I had perfect skin, I wish my hair wasn't showing signs of age with the abundance of grey I have to cover, I wish my fingers were longer, I wish my ass was smaller and my thighs were sleeker, I wish I didn't have certain moles, and the list goes on.  But you know what .. I'm thankful to be alive, to have a body that is fairly healthy and that allows me to mostly do what I really want to do.  It's my brain that maybe needs a makeover.  :P  But in all seriousness .. this blog post made me want to print it off and have it on my fridge so I read it often and can brainwash my brain into allowing me to be happy with what I look like.  I added my own photo in place of the posts authors'.

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We are beautiful women who have no idea we are beautiful. We stand in front of the mirror and tear ourselves apart, going over every seeming imperfection, every flaw, every bit of evidence that we are not as we were once so long ago.

This is insanity.

In five years, we will salivate for this skin. In ten years, we will have nothing but respect for this ass. In twenty, we won't care about any of it--scanning our pictures instead for signs in our eyes that we were present and willing to be honest and real and incredibly brave, no matter what the state of our abs.

We are aging, every one of us, everyday, all the time. This body will not stay.  It will morph and change. It will get weaker, and yes, it will die.  And until that moment, this body will house the very essence of us.  This body will play host to all our hopes and fears, our most true and alive moments.  This body will hold every second of our existence on this planet, and it will remember down to the cells everything that made us laugh and cry.

Today, get out your big camera, your phone or your point and shoot and honor your body.  Your perfection (or lack thereof) is not the point.  What matters is that you turn your gaze on what is holding you together right now.  What matters is that you love and cherish the essence of who you are before it's too late.

au natural

I don't wear alot of makeup .. I wear foundation and powder to even out the redness, mascara to enhance my eyelashes and sometimes eyeshadow. Even though it's not alot, I tend to feel uncomfortable not having in on my face so even lounging around the house after a shower, I make up my face. And especially if I'm going out, it gets done before I step foot outside the house. It may not look like much a difference, but it makes my face feel complete, my skin feels better (moisturized), just finished I guess. But yesterday I had to run out for some coconut for a baking project (check back at a later date for what was in the making) I was currently submerged in. I thought I could find some at 7-11 so I only just pulled on jeans instead of wearing my newly loved yoga pants. As it turned out, 7-11 doesn't carry coconut in their limited baking section so I had to hit the grocery store. Yes, I went out makeup less .. believe it or not! :P

This made me think perhaps I should show the difference. See? Not much is there? The difference is in how my face feels and the confidence a little bit of makeup brings.

(photos L: yesterday morning R: the 50's sock hop night)

stylin'

This is what we did with the girls hair for the 50's sock hop night. I curled just the top layers so she had curled tendrils over laying the straight underneath layer. It was so pretty and really suited her actually. Hailey's hair doesn't hold a curl with an iron, so we did an upswept do. The front was a wide side part that looked really sophisticated on her. I think I should have been a hairdresser .. I have always loved doing hair!

lets do the twist!

Last night we attended the girls school 50's Sock Hop and we had alot of fun!
Here are the pictures to prove it!! I have video to prove it! ;)

There was a hool-a-hooping contest and overall costume contest, not to mention a soda shop and photo booth. One thing about the 50's music is that it all was so happy and upbeat and that kept the kids all dancing and moving. T'was fun!

owl yeah!

I couldn't resist this too cute t-shirt when I was out last week snooping around the shops.  For $7, it was exactly the cuteness I needed to add to my summer wardrobe and I just LOVE this owl.  Don't judge the photo .. I don't take good self portraits of my bossom. ;)

peek-a-boo!!

this is the reason I have so many photos of Alissa's backside. :P

may long weekend highlights

We spent time down at the seawall, breathing in the salty air and soaking in the peek-a-boo'ing sunshine.  The trees were pretty much bloomed out, but this one we had to walk right underneath and it hung over the water, which I thought made for a beautiful shot.  And my camera even focused after several tries! Go me! :)

 My styling 11 going on 16 year old.

 I finally got a smile out of Alissa while we watched the parade!

 And Hailey too, even though she skinned her big toe as we were trying to get to the parade.  Oops  Poor thing bled alot too! ouch!

 And then afterwards we went for ice cream and watched the boat owners working on their boats, getting the ready to either head out or coming in .. a very laid back environment.

 I have many shots of Alissa like this.  She was so busy balancing or keeping in front of me, so I couldn't get a picture of her face.  Brat!

In all it was a great weekend.  We got a taste of so much, including hours of relaxing and enjoying the peacefulness of home.

I have some photos of the fireworks on my cell, not sure how they turned out, but I didn't bother bringing my Canon along because I never have success with fireworks so I figured I'd just enjoy them in real time instead of behind a photo.

eek

As I head to the shower soon, to wash my hair of all products so it can be dry and clean tomorrow morning for my 8am appt for the EEG, I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed and frightened.  Not because of the actual act of the test, but the results.  Here's a little clip I found that gives reason as to why my doctor ordered the EEG to begin with.

Although we have learned a lot about migraine from EEGs, and have noticed abnormal patterns in some people, there is no “common pattern” in everyone. In other words, an EEG probably won’t prove anything. It’s useful to help researchers understand migraine, but not particularly useful in helping individual migraine patients.



There are, however, some cases where an EEG is helpful. EEGs have been used in cases of hemiplegic migraine and basilar migraines, for example.


But EEGs have also been useful because of the close relationship between epilepsy and migraine. Sometimes migraine can be mistaken for epilepsy, and vice versa. An EEG is much more useful in confirming whether or not epilepsy is a cause of the symptoms. Some researchers even use the term migralepsy for a rare disorder that seems to combine the two.


But in this case an EEG will only be ordered if there is reason to believe (from observation) that epilepsy may be a cause of the symptoms.

In the end, in the majority of cases an EEG won’t confirm anything. Observation and response to treatment are far more valuable methods of diagnosis.

I know the best thing is to get answers because the unknown is far scarier, but I'm also scared this could be epilepsy.  When limbs are affected at the same time the head pain is occurring, that's pretty likely there's more then just a migraine going on.  There's no history of this in my family that I know of anyway, so what's going on?  I know I know .. the only way to get answers to these questions is to keep plugging away with the health care system.

the voice

Niki vs Vicci

I've been watching The Voice and this 'battle' blew me away.  I love Niki's voice so much and I'm so happy she stayed and Vicci was sent home.  I'm no expert but I do see so much more potential in Niki.  Her voice, her way of performing, her personality, her cute little person .. it adds up to one great package!

PS .. I couldn't figure out how to embed this link here, so you'll have to just click on the link above and watch the video on that website. 

sunday

I enjoy my Sunday morning routine so much!  Even on the weekends I have the girls, they're old enough that they allow me my two and a half hours of peacefull bliss. And the weekends that they're not here, I get to spend the morning downstairs where I have free access to coffee, and the enjoyment of the rest of my house.  You see, I'm a Coronation Street fan, and Corrie runs weekday evenings at 6:30-7:00, but because I'm a busy Mom trying to spend very few hours with my girlies after work and before their bedtimes, I just can't watch it at that time.  But Sunday mornings at 7:30, now that is way more my style and convenience.  Watching Corrie, sipping coffee, cuddling my kitty who just loves to sit as close to me as possible, yep that's pretty close to heaven!  It's the little things that make me happy. :)

37

The year everything fell apart!
I woke up this morning with a stiff neck and stiff muscles down in to my shoulders. I knew this even before I got out of bed because as I turned over to my other side to 'clock watch'* I could feel the strain and pull and discomfort. What's happening to my body? I can climb a freaking hill to the towers, and feel the muscles being used at the time but wake up the next morning and feel perfectly fine. Yet I have a restful sleep upon my pillow topped mattress bed and wake up to my muscles screaming at me. This makes no sense.

Upon telling J this morning about my dilemma, he mentioned that perhaps my body is falling apart. I know I'm old! :P

An update on my 'head case' is in order tho. Monday morning I go in for an EEG. I shall then wait to find out the outcome of that, and hope they see something that'll give me answers. I just want to know, are these little seizures? Because who has 'migraine's' that come in episodes all day long and no other head ache between? Although by the end of the day my head is generally pounding because of the whole day's worth of strain, but that's beside the point. And these episodes create my leg to react, so how is that migraine related? It really does make me go hmmm.

sweet memories

As I was going through the closet in Alissa`s room .. pulling outgrown clothing, used gift bags, boxes with keepsakes and such from the shelf, I found in the far corner, two small little boxes for the girls.  I hadn`t looked at these since they were put there, some 9`ish years ago.  I decided to put them aside and look at them when I had a moment to truly pour over those boxes, and tonight was that moment. 

I opened up Hailey`s first and unfolded two little one piece sleepers with matching hats, pulled out the little diapers she first wore when born, her first pair of soft cloth shoes, and a pretty little bonnet and tried to imagine my nearly 12 yr old, 5`2`` preteen fitting into these teeny preemie clothes.  You see, she was born three weeks early at  only 5lbs 15ozs and swam in the newborn diapers.  She was just so tiny and looking at her baby clothes reminded me of that.

Once I had put all the things neatly back into their box, I pulled Alissa`s box in front of me.  Hers is a little different, and as I untied the ribbons and opened it up, her little sleeper and matching hat greeted me.  I had saved a couple of her first size diapers too, and looked over the record I kept of her feedings and diaper changes those first few weeks.  Wow what a blur it all was, but I`m so happy to have kept all these little things.  The ultrasound pictures (the ones you have to hold up to a light to see), the hospital bracelets, even my menu papers that came with my meals .. it`s all there.

I packed up Alissa`s box nice and neatly and put them back up on the closet shelf.  I think it will be neat for each of them to go through now or when they`re older.  I wish I had a box that had been saved just for me.

Mother's Day .. part deux

PERFECT .. that's what today ended up being.  Every moment represented me as a Mom and even when I had to yell, scold, discipline, laugh, hug, cry, grocery shop, cook, and clean up .. it all lent to my role as Mom. 

The morning started with Hailey having set her alarm so she could be up to cook breakfast.  She got up, recruited her sister and while I layed in bed and watched Corrie, they cooked up french toast and scrambled eggs AND made me coffee.  They brought it all upstairs so we could eat together in my bed. That was Hailey's gift to me, even the kitchen was in order when I came down, dishes stacked neatly in the sink, counters wiped, etc.  Alissa made a candy dish made out of paper mache and had a few hershey kisses and some mints inside.  Such a cute gift made in class, and then of course there were the notes of love and admiration.  Melts my Mama heart. :)

Then after showering and dressing, we packed up our snacks and water bottles and headed over to my friends place so we could go for a hike.  She lives near the cellular towers, and it's a nice hike, especially on a cool but sunny day.  The clouds came and went, but it was a perfectly dry day for the hike and even though I found myself nearly dying from breathing so hard, my heart pounding, my legs yelling at me each step up the hill I took .. it was so worth the breath taking view.  We'd done this hike before, and it was just as fun today but this time we brought a lunch, snack, and stayed long enough that the girls could all just wander and explore.

 Amy, Hailey, Emily and Alissa

 Hailey and Alissa gathering wood for a fire, but the wind changed our mind and we were happy our Kristine had pre-cooked our hotdogs 'just in case'.

 it was so bright that taking off my sunglasses made for a squinty facial expression. But this is us three!!

 the towers

 the view in one direction .. to the far right is where Kristine's house is

breakfast of french toast .. taco lasagna

And then after grocery shopping on our way home, we had a dinner of baked taco lasagna.  Mmm .. so delicious and something I'd totally do without the kit next time.  So simple and so good.  That with corn on the cob and it made for an easy for us to make kinda Mother's Day dinner.

Is it bedtime yet? ;)

Happy Mother's Day!!

To my dear daughters:

Thank you for making me a mommy.  Thank you for giving me a role in life that is fullfilling, challenging, exhausting, memorable, honourable, and so much more.  I love you two more then I could ever describe in words and I hope I can be a person you will always be proud of.  I know I'll embarass you, that's my job.  I know I'll be strict, but you'll thank me when you're older.  I know I'll say no, but no means no.  There may be times you frustrate me, but I will always love you.  There may be times you say or do thing that freak me out, I'll still smile.  The bottom line is I do everything I do because I love you.  You are my flesh and blood and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.  I love you!!

And to my angel Mom .. I miss you! I would like nothing more then to hear your sweet voice today. I love you!

fire!

This isn't something new I've thought of .. but because I'm watching Hoarding: Buried Alive lately, trying to power through past seasons and episodes, a familiar question was raised.
If your house was going up in flames, and the firemen gave you five minutes to take what you wanted from your home, what would you take?  When this was asked by a professional to the 'hoarder', he stood there and couldn't even list one item.  The professional counted down, and for five whole minutes, the 'hoarder' continued to stand there and not come up with one item he wanted to save.  As the show continued, I did a quick check in my head on what items I'd save. 

First and foremost it would be the girls, and Meesha .. that goes without saying.  Then I'd grab my file box of important papers, my purse, camera, computers, bin of photos, the girls small baby treasure boxes, and my jewellery box.  I think I'd miss the rest of my items, but with those few things (some with sentimental value, some with price tag value) I'd be okay.

Now if only I had those items all kept together so in one foul swoop I could grab them.

birthday plans

The girls birthdays are fastly approaching and we're forced to plan and organize it very VERY soon.  I've gleaned lots of information just from casual discussions and so just have to make the arrangements and such.  Alissa's birthday comes first and ever since getting her hair cut recently, and me looking in to the places birthday party ideas, she's had her heart set on it.  Because I like to make cakes that fit in with their themes, we've been looking at ideas online and finally have one for Alissa's.  I had to veto ALOT of her ideas, because I'm just not the master cake decorator that my girls think I am.  I had seen this idea somewhere before on my blog travels over the years, and it was stuck in the back of my brain until the light bulb moment happened.  How perfectly fitting for such a candy freak child.
I can't wait to make Alissa's cake now .. should be so much fun!

Hailey's hoping for a vampire themed party.  That's going to take some creativity since we're on a strict budget.  Hers comes second so I don't have to firm up plans just yet.

countdown to Mothers Day 2011

As this week continues on, I'm forced to remember that this Sunday is Mothers Day.  It's the first Mothers day I won't be able to pick up the phone and call my own Mom to wish her a wonderful day, to thank her for being the person she is .. loving .. honest .. a listener .. advicer .. and so much more.  I can soak up the love of my own to girls, but I'm so going to miss that phone call.

welcome May!

Happy May 1'st!  I'm feeling slightly lighter after my recent hair cut.  I'm very pleased with the extra layers that were put in, keeping the length so it's still easy for me to have my hair up for work, but down straightened and sexy for an evening look. ;)

What other things do you find yourself doing every spring besides pulling out the lighter cotton clothing, wearing layers, donning brighter colours, shedding the winter hair, wearing flip flops?