13

Today marks 13 days left until we fly east!  I am over the top happy, but also have SOOOO much to do between now and then that the excitement is kind of muted right now.  I'm slowly working at all the little things on my list, from canceling untilities, having new ones hooked up in the new place, selling off furniture still, packing a box or two a day for now until it gets closer to the date, working every day, making a list of what to pack in luggage with us to use for the two weeks until our belongings arrive via moving company, even right down to finding the calming drops for Meesha so he can travel more comfortably without any anxiety.

I'm excited, YES .. but I can't wait until we land in Winnipeg, head to our hotel room and get a good swim and hot tub soak in to relax after weeks of going going and more going.

it's her style!

My sweet little fashion diva definitely has a style all her own. She will throw whatever accessory she feels an outfit needs, with it .. like these glasses, hat and vest. I just let her do whatever since by grade five, I'm pretty sure the teachers know it's not their mothers dressing them anymore. :P

*what Alissa wore today*

send off

I have amazing girl friends, friends that wanted to give me a send off by making one day a very special day for me. Cathie, Kristine and I spent the day exploring the downtown core with all it's shops, boutiques, and coffee outlets .. we stopped for a lunch of sushi and then continued our walk along the way, then made our way back, stopping in more little shops (clothes, shoes, books, trinkets .. you name it, we snooped). Then later Angela, Trish, Cora and Darla were able to join up and we spent the evening drinking cosmos, snacking on appies and laughing alot!

It's exactly how I want to remember our close bonds .. how we could chat up a storm, drink and eat to our hearts content, and still wake up the next morning sans a headache! ;) I love these girls!!!

dream

I used to often remember dreams I had and could describe most of what happened in it, even if it didn't make sense .. up until about a year ago or so, and then suddenly the moment I woke the memories of my dream disappeared.
Sometimes tho, I do recall them and often those are the ones that have significant meaning.  Like last nights.  I dreamt opening the door to a knock, and on the other side was my Mom.  She quickly bustled her way through the door way and passed me, then turned around and declared she came to help me pack and clean.  If you knew my Mom, this is what she did.  She always volunteered herself (and us .. too much so sometimes when we were kids) and her time to do what needed doing.  I only remember her packing and packing, box after box and then she took a break to make Nasi (my all time favourite dish) for lunch, and then packed some more.  We talked alot, but it wasn't conversations like she had been gone and we were catching up, it was more just every day chit chat, but still that close talk we would always have.  It was nice to have that little visit from my Mom, to give me that added boost and sure feeling that parents always do when their children turn to them for advice.

d.o.n.e

Yesterday was THE day for signing the final papers needed for the court order to be changed enough to allow the girls and I to leave the province.  And once those were signed finally with cooperation, I had this huge weight lifted off me.  Some may say that I shouldn't have gone ahead and planned things like I did .. renting a home, buying tickets, booking the moving company, selling off large items, getting the packing process started, registering the girls in their new schools, handing in my resignation letter, etc .. but I had to have faith in the powers that be, that if this was all meant to be like it kept proving to me it was, then I also had to take the leap of faith and do all that without having the final papers signed.  Every little hurdle I came across was worked through, right down to my car being backed in to at work and being written off so I didn't have to go through the headache of selling it.  Those little things were huge signs to me that this move was meant to be.
So when yesterday came and went, and the paperwork was finally settled and signed, you can imagine the huge sigh of relief I let escape my lips.
And today I managed to get all those forms dropped off at the court house, filed with the court registry and  now it is done.  D.O.N.E.  Operation destination Ontario is ready to launch in less then three weeks!
Talk about cutting it close, but I seem to work the best under pressure and at the last minute it seems .. weird for the planner/organizer personality I have, but who am I to question it now.  :)

national alzheimer's day

Today my thoughts are with those that have are are suffering with this horrible disease, but most of all my heart is with my Dad that suffered many years with Alzheimer's and finally made his way to heaven because of the disease.  I can be grateful that when those that do suffer with it make it to heaven, all those memories can be claimed again, and that's what I focus on to get me through the grieving process one year and seven months later.  Since losing my Dad, I have now lost my Mom to another disease, but I can let my heart ease a little on the knowledge that now they can together remember all the memories they made in the many years they were together and when I have conversations with them as I gaze up to the stars in the sky, I remind them of all the wonderful times we had together as one large family, and how very much I love them.
Alzheimer's may have taken my Dad from us a few years before we lost him from this earth, but I try to focus on all the amazing things that come to mind when I think about him and how strong and unique of a man he was.  It was not in vane!

autumn is in the air

Autumn is my favourite season of the year.  Sure summer is wonderful .. the hot sun, the beaches, all the late warm nights and lazy outdoor activities .. but there's something wonderful about going back to cool evenings, candles burning, snuggling in a blanket, taking long walks and crunching fallen leaves, the pungent smell of the earth, the low bright afternoon sun and the beautiful breathtaking colours the trees turn.  Not to mention, my birthday falls in an autumn month, which perhaps gives me the ultimate reason why I love this season.  And this year I get to experience a norther Ontario fall.  Lucky me!!
 
 
I remember when I was 13/14 years old and we had moved back to Ontario for a short time .. the fall was even more breath taking then in BC.  Sure BC has gorgeous colours too, but in Ontario, its just different.  BC has their mountains, Ontario has the fall colours.

cookin'

To sweeten the deal allowing her to have a sleepover last night, Hailey promised they would make breakfast for all of us this morning and cook they did! Yummy pancakes made by two twelve year olds!

emotions and thoughts

I was speaking to a friend not long ago, and I finally put a finger on the one emotion that all this reality has brought on.  Besides the excitement, elatedness, stress, wonder, happiness, there's also a huge sense of being scared.  Scared to death that changing from my familiar surroundings, friends and a place I've called home for 15 years is no longer be.  Scared that my friendships are going to change, twist and turn, grow distant and/or fade.  I only let a select few get past my exterior .. a wall I've built to protect myself from hurt, disappointment, emotions, tears .. and although I know one of my personality traits is to read to much into situations it doesn't help this feeling of being scared shitless.  I'm venturing out on this new chapter with two very innocent lives in my hands, and although not alone persay, I really AM alone because they look to me for direction, for safety, for security and so all that I do involves three lives.  Yes I have family where I'm going and technically I will be less alone there then I am here, but familiar life patterns has made me feel secure and in charge and in control.  It's hard to explain the feelings because despite the way it looks from the outside .. how it looks like I AM taking charge of my life and doing what I think is best, there's always that self doubt.  I realize I am my own worst enemy and these thoughts shouldn't be there, but they are.

So much is changing around me, that the one thing I depend and need but most of all, WANT, is to keep those select few friendships intact and strong.  I don't want THOSE relationships to change, because as selfish as this may sound .. I will be leaning on and in great need of them in the coming months.

They say if a friendship is true, it will outlast any 'storm' and I hope this to be true for mine.

Tomorrow I will feel yet another emotion as I wrap up all the details, work with setting up our life in another province, and work through everything. When my brain is busy it doesn't have a chance to blow things out of proportion, but it's the times where I sit still long enough to reflect on all that is going on that it scares the shit out of me.

dinner

pork steaks with cooked down apple (flavoured with butter, cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar) and steamed green beans. mmmm

daughter date

Friday I had a daughter dinner date with Hailey. Between me getting off work and the time I was to drop her off at a friend sleepover, we decided to grab some sushi-to-go and head for the beach to eat, listen to the waves and enjoy the sunshine. The particular beach we chose is the one looking on at the Ferry's that come and go. It also is a 'drive up' beach in that the parking is just there above us behind that cement wall, so the perfect little place to get abit of beach on a quick stop in.

Sitting on a log, sharing our seafood, soaking in the sun we didn't see much of all summer .. it was the perfect daughter date! :)

(Alissa was with her Dad, and also doesn't like seafood, so any chance Hailey and I get, we have it)

5/7

Hello Grade 5 and 7, please be kind but challenging to my girls. Allow them to learn everything they need to, in a fun but creative way. Allow them to make friendships, be kind and participate in all avenues of their school year. Allow them to prove how smart they are, but in a classy way. Allow them to struggle just enough to remember that this learning is a gift not a right. Allow them to always be themselves, in all aspects of their school experience.

oh the stumbling blocks upon the way!

Wow, who knew it would be SUCH a huge endeavor to move?  I realize pulling up roots at this age is alot more entailed then when you're 22 and starting off in the world, but holy crap!
And then of course when there are children involved, the process multiplies tenfold and gets so complicated.  Dealing with an ex, court forms and the courts, making school placements, finding a residence, minimizing our household goods to that which will fit in boxes, setting up in a new province with medical, utilities, blah blah blah.  And some how each thing that has stressed me out enough that I've had to research all possible alternatives, has eventually figured itself out, but it's hard to keep eyes on the prize when instead of standing tall and strong and dealing with things, one just wants to crumble and melt in a puddle of tears because it's STRESSFUL!  Kinda makes me wish I could just up and sail away.

friends

With Alissa spending the night with a school friend of hers, Hailey asked if she could have a friend come over too. They decided it would be the perfect idea to take some of Hailey's unpacked scrapbooking supplies and make an album about their friendship .. one they would remember fondly for years to come. This morning they had a great idea about going out and documenting their day with lots of photos. Pretty much a photo shoot, teen style! So this is what we did. And while doing so, realized that they needed to make a second scrapbook in duplicate so they both had a remembrance book. Photos have been printed off and they've made such progress.
This ended up being a day even I thoroughly enjoyed. I really needed this kind of silly fun after the week I had, not to mention all you have to do is twist my rubber arm when it comes to taking photos. :)

steee-rike!

I signed us up for the summer Kids Bowl Free program and even bought myself a summer pass to accompany the girls but never got use of it until the other day. We're going to try for one more time yet before our passes expire but in the meantime we had fun. It was what I needed to distract me of the realities my day had thrown at me. At first Hailey was in lead, bragging and showing her expertise. I told her just to wait until I warmed up, and warm up I did .. the strike and spare were mine! hah! ;) I guess if hadn't said no to the offer of the bumpers being put up then the scores would have been higher. Fun times tho! We need to do more of those sorts of activities!!