Firework - Katy Perry (Boyce Avenue cover ft. David Choi on strings) on ...

I have this thing with indie versions of pop songs .. so much more in depth, more touching, more artistic. LOVE this version of Firework! Katy? Katy who? :P

shades of spring

It really doesn't take much to make me feel renewed, and like I spoiled myself and today it's just a new bottle of pretty green polish.  I thought this looked so spring'ish and my toesies will love looking fresh.  I can't wait to get it on them once I've soaked them.  That's what I'm treating myself to, this afternoon.  I do love me my ME time! :) 

sometimes

you know the mood you get in to that you can't very well let the whole world know about.  the kind that you don't even want your closest friend know you're in because it's almost like a curse .. you just want to deal with it on your own, so you fake the laughs, fake the conversation or maybe not fake, but try to get caught up in the conversation so it can change your mood?  you don't want to be a 'burden' to those that love you so you 'fake' it.  it's a way of managing, surviving, living and hoping to move on.  sometimes those kinds of moods kill!

bruised

My IV bruise, just a day after, but now over a week later, it still is there .. healing from the inside out so now looks like a ring of purple. Weird huh?
And, she got the vein the first time, didn't poke around .. I guess I bruise easily!

easter weekend

cookies, chocolate, icing, whipped cream, strawberries, ham, eggs, dye, eggs, jelly beans, t-shirts, coffee, relaxing, tv, friends, cozy bed .. these are all things that our weekend consisted of.  I enjoyed the relaxing!!

bunny cookies

We baked bunny cookies today, and the girls decorated them .. we'll share some with friends so they don't create lumpies on our bums and thighs, but it t'was fun! Tomorrow we dye eggs! :)

update 2

Yesterday I had my doc appt with my own family doctor.  He has my medical history right there on his computer, and so I believe more that comes from his mouth then I do anyone elses.  After talking to him abit about my symptoms, the trip to the ER, and a few other things, I left with a couple perscriptions.  One for Propranolol (a beta blocker) and the other is a small dose of Amitripyline (which is an anti depressant but works hand in hand with the other drug).  They're known to relax the blood vessels so that there shouldn't be any pain.  And when the blood vessels are relaxed, then I shouldn't be getting the pains anymore, and I shouldn't be getting the weak leg syndrom either.  Cross your fingers this works because my head is getting rather tender after two weeks of this 'abuse'. :(

easter is a-coming

Easter is next weekend and I have the girls.  I thought it would be fun to colour eggs like we do every year, and I was thinking about making a ham dinner for just us three.  I hope the weather is nice so we can get out and go for walks, or the park.  Its been pretty springy here, maybe the fresh air will do us a world of good.  Colouring eggs will be more of an art or creative outlet now that the girls are older.  Should be fun!

update

i was talked in to going to the doctor today.  why deal with excrutiating pain that builds throughout the day so much so that i cant even talk sometimes while its happening.  and by nightfall, my head is one big aching mess and i just want quietness, so while there was quietness today (girls are at their dads for the weekend) i spent four long hours at emerg.  i guess in the grand scheme of things, the four hours got alot accomplished .. things that would have taken days to do had i waited for appointments, then another appointment to find out the results.  blood was drawn, a cat scan done, and it all left the doctor still clueless as to what's going on.  the symptoms dont add up to anything hes familiar with, but the good news is that the scan came back saying nothing was wrong there.  this is good because cat scans pick up only bad things, so to get results saying nothing, well i should really be dancing in the street over that result.  still i'm left wondering whats going on?  the doctor wondered if its stress.  honestly i'd say there are people that deal with a much bigger load then i do but when broken down into all the little things i've had to deal with over the past nearly three years, i'm even surprised i haven't had a mental break down. 

a break up of a marriage, the sudden need to be single parent .. head of my household, deal with living, paying bills, feeding us, getting a job, learning to be in the work force, juggling children, their school life, my work etc, two aging parents and their illnesses, and then later both of them passing away within a year of eachother, living away from my family, dealing with more legal paperwork, a divorce, planning a move.  It all becomes too much!

so i shall go to my appt on tuesday, go over things yet again with my family doc, see what he suggests, and perhaps find me a councellor to talk to.  i have alot of emotions i keep even from those closest to me, i need to work through some of this.  and if this is really stress related, then i hope this will do something about it.  in the meantime, the T3's are feeling f.i.n.e!

coming clean

I'm extremely worried about something health related that's affecting my day, my work, my mobility, my every moment.  For the past two weeks or so I've noticed some issues with my right leg, when I can't walk properly without making a huge effort and mentally think about moving my leg.  At first I thought it was in my knee, but it travels from my knee to joint to at times being in my ankle joint.  At the same time I was also experiencing piercing sensations on the top left of my head, near the 'soft spot'.  It feels like a cold ice pick being inserted in, and lasts about about 6 seconds. I counted this morning how many of these I got in the period of one hour and it was 9.  So experiencing both these, and then realizing they were connected to eachother.  When I'd feel the searing in my brain, a moment later my leg would give out.  Honestly this had me so freaked out and I was jumping to all kinds of conclusions, thinking the worse of course.  I still think the worse, but after finally telling someone about it (I kept quiet and didn't tell a soul because I was so freaked out and hoped it would just go away eventually), he suggested  told me to make a doctors appt to have it looked in to. 
I did just that today .. and it's for Tuesday.
But now I have something new to add to it.  All day my right eye slowly starting getting blurry.  I wear contacts so when I got home I cleaned them, scrubbing harder on the right one to rid it of any protein buildup, rinsed it and put it back in.  It's the same .. still blurry, so I took them out again, put my glasses on, and it's blurry.  WTF is going on?!  Honestly, I'm scared!
Is it a pinched nerve? Is it some sort of stroke or clot? Is it a tumour?  Am I over reacting?  Tuesday is going to feel like forever to get here!

2

~bouquet of yellow tulips~

I miss you so much Mom! Today marks two months, yet in the very same moment it feels so much longer. I've never gone this long EVER without talking to you. I listen to your message on my machine often, just to hear your voice .. and it's always bitter sweet because it makes me miss you more, yet it's so wonderful to hear your voice. There have been many days when I so need to just talk to you. To get your advice or a suggestion, to hear how your day was, to just talk like we always did. I miss you so much! :*(

spring has sprung a shorter style

This morning Alissa woke up, went into the bathroom and was playing with her hair. She held it back and made the shorter parts fall forward and loose, making it look like she had short hair. Because I had the day off and was picking the girls up from school, I suggested we go right to Beaners to get it cut, if she still wanted to. It gave her the entire day to change her mind if she so chose. But when I picked them up, she was still in desperate want of her hair cut. Isn't it short, cute, sassy and so spring like? We all love it so much!  

  I'm secretly hoping this is the trick to getting me out of having to brush her hair every single morning! :P

Hailey's Ooopsy Puppy

So one day when Hailey was playing with playdough, she also decided she'd take photos in sequence to make or tell abit of a story.  Here's her photos put to music. Pretty cute hey?

right now (no. 7)

thinking- about and making lists of what all has to be done in order for us to move
feeling- like I need more time to myself
eating- sausages, pasta, green salad
drinking- water
reading- blogs
watching- nothing but do plan on watching more of Being Human later on
wearing- fleece, sweats and slippers
smelling- nail polish remover (Hailey's redoing her nails)
hearing- dryer, tv, girls talking
loving- that spring is right around the corner and I'm bringing it indoors with bouquets of flowers often!
hating- my job
hoping- for a miracle!
waiting- to sleep!

beauty

My dear sweet daughter has inherited the 'take my own photo' gene from me, I see. She's discovered this lolcam application on facebook and has been going photo crazy over the past few days. I went through and gleaned afew of my favourites to keep for myself. I love how she is when nobody is watching, how very much herself she is. Thank god she refrains from the typical preteen/teen pose of the peace sign, the kissy lips, and the seduction poses because those would be deleted faster then she could blink.

dirty sense of humour

Hailey was in need of clay to work on her diorama for a school project and had a little leftover after her and her project partner finished up the majority of it today in class. And because I have a child with a sick sense of humour, this is what she came up with. Mouse watched cat unleash a good poo, knowing he's safe at the distance he watches from because the cat is preoccupied, albeit knows of it's presense. Cat takes off after poo'ing, and curiosity takes over Mouse.

He goes to check out the deposit and Cat then decides this is his chance to get him. Oooo .. curiosity killed Mouse?

retail therapy

Purchasing something always carries a price tag, and today I discovered the price tag was a big smile! Why does going out and buying something give a person such a pleasant high? And when you find things you've actually been looking for so you can chalk it up to NOT impulse buying it makes it that much sweeter.

I've been on the hunt for a comforter that would match Hailey's fairly new rejuvinated bedroom. Something that would go with her purple theme.

Although we have not gotten to making Alissa's room over, we will once we've moved, and make it a special place she wants to hang out in more often. But until then, I knew her favourite colours and found this comforter for her. Not quite perfect, but she doesn't care that the brown isn't muted lime green because it still has sky blue and that's enough for her. Next on the list for both girls are pillow cases and toss pillows. I may even make them myself as a new upcoming sewing project. :)

in the process

So while I'm at the beginnings of sorting things, wondering if I should toss or keep certain items, I am forced with a decision.  A big decision.

I have wedding photos, documents and a marriage certificate that I need to figure out what to do with.  Up until now those things sat tucked away on a book shelf or in with the other bills/legal documents in a file box, but now what?  Do I lug them across Canada only to eventually feel the need to toss them? Do I hang on to them for the girls sake? Do I dispose of them now?  I have thousands of photos that hold past memories that I will keep, for the girls.  Ones that I know I will eventually scrapbook for them too, as long as the photos are worthy of that .. but these other items .. what to do?

As I pulled photos out of sticky albums I also realized I have photos that no longer hold any meaning.  Photos of friends weddings that are no longer together, etc.  Do I keep these photos?  It's not like there's just a handful of them, there's ALOT!

I'd likely hold on to them because I'm like that .. out of sight, out of mind and that's okay .. but with moving, who really wants to move junk?